Within my previous blog post, “Perpetrating Panic that Consumed me”, I glimpse at the mental progress I’ve made, transcending into “a happier time, a time full of romance, self-discovery, and growth”, with reference to “tranquility” and “happier mentality”. Yes, this is a portrayal of how far I’ve come and my hopes for the future. Yet, this lacks my agonising reality that 2019 has, in addition, consisted of situations of pain and emotional instability.
Social media often has this entrancing way of illustrating perfect lives, more noticeably on instagram, with influencers, celebrities, and models actively regurgitating the advantages of their lifestyles, leaving the majority of the general public doubting the ‘perfection’ of their own lives. I realised my previous blog post seemed to reflect the regurgitation of these influencers, with regards to the unconscious boastfulness of my happiness. And so, with that, here is my attempt to reinforce that lives which come across ‘perfect’ is not the absolute.
Remembering the positives that life offers
It’s hard to make comment on this pain as my life does indeed contribute great happiness, specifically evident through my newly four-month relationship, a naturally developed and intoxicatingly romantic reality- a living and breathing romcom to say the least. It’s taught me things I never thought a relationship would. It taught me that I am a woman worthy of love. It taught me to be vulnerable, realising that confiding in your partner creates an impeccable bond. It taught me that two people madly in love with one another is a possibility. The romantic side to me fully sprung, something that was new, but nevertheless, captivating. But, as they say, with the ups come the downs!
The Pain that shouldn’t cause Shame
And so, with that, my pain has been a matter of my mothers alcoholism, evolving into walking out on her own child, multiple suicide attempts, embarrassment through her victimisation online, and her abusive behaviour- the list goes on. Amongst this, I have attempted this year to focus on my own happiness; (let’s not forget, sometimes selfishness is completely necessary!).Through all the upset, anger, and grief, that comes with having an alcoholic parent, my year has definitely been packed with downs. And yes, although we shouldn’t dwell on the bad memories and focus on the positives of life, remembering to be half glass full and appreciative, this in no way means that ‘the bad’ doesn’t take place.
Don’t stigmatise “imperfections”
It never occurred to me that I crave perfection, my councillor stating this to me during one of our very first sessions, referring to my “perfectionist ways”. If were speaking realistically, no ones life is perfect. In fact, the adjective ‘perfect’ means “having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics; as good as it is possible to be”. However, if humanity was in a constant state of this perfection wouldn’t that just make it repetitive, boring, and arguably inhumane. Let’s face it, it’s completely okay not to live a life that you would consider as good as it gets and things to go wrong, but what you can try to do is remember the strength that bad experiences teach you. The bad completely transforming you into a positive role model of courage, powering through hardship. Maybe the concept of perfection should actually be the ability to move on from this ‘bad’ and embrace the half glass full aspects of life, rather than having the glass utterly full.
‘The good’ as societies ideal of perfect lives. Still, with the good comes ‘the bad’- something we certainly shouldn’t hide from. Let’s be aware to embrace the journey that the bad brings, and not to be ashamed or embarrassed if you don’t constitute as societies state of ‘perfection’.
You’re all perfect 🙂 – Annongirl20
Palpitation 